Tag: mom life

Divorce, Ramblings
ann marie

You know what I should be doing now, I should be icing my daughters cake. Well, finishing icing it as I did the initial layer last night but she wants a rainbow colored layer cake sooooooo the white icing had to set for me to do the color layer.

What I’m doing instead of getting dressed and making the cake is standing in my towel writing this. Why? Because my brain is in a million different places, I woke up to my third child’s 5th birthday alone! ALONE! Alone, because the kids are with their dad in his house, because it’s his weekend and they chose to spend it with him and I will get them at lunch time so that I can spend half of her birthday with her. This is the 3rd time this has happened! Was it how I thought the birthdays of my children would ever go? No, but it’s how this years birthdays have gone!

Literally over a year ago I asked for a divorce, it took almost 7 months to get to the attorney table to sign for the divorce and about 8 months for it to become finalized. Thankfully, along the way the girls dad and I have been able to be mature adults about things and not argue over the details. I do truly feel blessed for that fact! At first because we were getting along fine we didn’t even follow the child arrangements to the exact plan we signed. Then it got confusing who’s weekend we were on and how to deal with upcoming holidays. So we said okay lets do as the plan states to keep things a bit straighter.

Well, aside from birthdays since we let the older two kids decide how they wanted to handle their birthday weekends the littlest wanted to do the same. This year technically I’m supposed to have the kids for their birthdays, but everyone one of them fell on a weekend that “should have been dad’s”. Now there is an explanation that if holidays fall on weekends the kids stay with whoever is supposed to have them for the holiday. Okay, fine, cool, whatever…………but we let the other two decide so here we were letting the 4 year old decide too. So here I am sad I didn’t get to wake up and tell my baby girl happy birthday first, I didn’t get her morning snuggles. She’s chosen for me to come join them for lunch at her dads then all the girls will come home with me for presents and we will go out to dinner. The older two kids said dinner was girls only time, but not baby bear she wants dad to come too. So today, we set aside the “plan” and we will have lunch and dinner together so she can have her day how she wants to.

I know things will get easier and I will have to get on and talk more about things that happened in between this post and the last one I wrote, but I needed to get this down. I know that I chose right, I did the right thing for myself and my girls! This first year of divorce won’t break me! I will grow and I will fight for my girls and myself! We all know it’s okay and I’m showing them that while things didn’t work with their dad divorce doesn’t have to be ugly and horrible and we don’t need to fight and make everyone’s life miserable because we decided not to stay together. The divorce was finalized in June, so we are only 5 months into finding our “new normal” and these upcoming holidays will be our first run at finding things that work for us. We will make new traditions, we can hold on to old ones, we will learn and we will grow and we will remember at the end of the day we have each others backs! The kids still have two very loving parents and so far both parents have been putting the kids and their feelings at the top of the list! This is and always has been my top priority, putting my kids at the top of the list! It always will be and that’s why our 2021 is ending differently then the years in the past, but it’s okay!

If your struggling in your marriage and are “staying for the kids” know that they will pick up on this and sense things aren’t right! I will do a post about this in the future, but I want to end this saying don’t stick around to try and keep the family together if it’s creating a bad environment for yourself or the kids. I laugh at the saying “if momma ain’t happy ain’t no body happy,” but it’s so true and the kids can sense this even little ones. So do what’s right for all of you! It will get better and you can do it!

Ramblings

Weekend Get Away

ann marie

So bring on the mom guilt and the sadness of leaving my kids for an ENTIRE 4 DAY WEEKEND!!!!!! I’ve literally never left my kids for more then several hours and the only overnight stays they’ve had without me have been when I’ve been in the hospital delivering their siblings. THAT’S IT!!!!

I’ve been lucky enough to be a stay at home mom since I had my first 13 years ago. I didn’t even imagine then that I would be happy as a stay at home mom, but I found some moms groups and didn’t actually “stay home.” I’ve always been an on the go person and that continued even with having kids. I’m always involved and a go getter!

Okay, back to the mom guilt filled weekend!!! Truthfully I had so much guilt planning a trip away, but I needed to go back home to my parents house and check on them. With our current state of affairs and the unsure risks of traveling 10 hours from where we live it was best to go alone. So I broke the news to my oldest two who understood but were sad.

The day I left they were still doing virtual learning so they were distracted and I cried for the first hour of driving. The dang kids didn’t even CALL that night!!! They asked their dad to have a sleepover together and were distracted still so they were FINE!!! I was NOT!!!

Normally when their dad leaves them I’m sure that they take a picture and at a minimum send him a text. I got nothing and that made me even sadder to be honest. That’s the difference between moms and dads too I think. He was like “well no one asked so I didn’t worry about it!” While I was definitely glad they were fine without me, deep down I knew they would be, I was sad. Sad he didn’t think to have them send a quick goodnight picture or text at minimum.

Well, we all survived the first day even without messages. I stayed away for basically 4 more days and everyone survived. I did talk to the kids on the phone the second day for a short amount of time and everyone was doing fine. They did say they missed me but their dad was spoiling them with tv and electronics time. I was able to spend the whole weekend knowing they were okay and check in on my parents who also seemed to be okay.

It was a much needed break from my usual days of a million “mom questions” and I’d gotten to enjoy some outdoor time in the woods and on the lake. All around we all had a good weekend and the kids definitely missed how mom does things. So mom guilt aside taking even a short weekend trip away is good for the soul and good for everyone! Mom can destress a little when she’s not being asked for milk and snacks a hundred times in a day and the kids can see just how much mom does for them when she’s not there doing it. So if the opportunity arises and you can sneak away for even just a short time I highly recommend it!

Ramblings, Tips and Tricks

DIY Face Masks

ann marie

It seems the covid-19 pandemic isn’t slowing down in the US anytime soon. It’s unfortunate that it continues to spread, but the health officials all say one way to possibly help stop the spread is by wearing face masks in public. While cotton made face masks will NOT prevent you from contracting covid-19 it is said to help more then not wearing anything.

During this pandemic I have made well over 200 masks! I know some who have made double and triple that already too. Personally with 3 kids at home 24/7 I’m doing what I can when I can while I help my kids cope with our current situation.

So throughout my face mask making adventure I have tried several different patterns and adjusted them here and there. I even designed my own using hair ties! What I’ve learned is we all have our ways of stitching and not all patterns no matter how well written necessarily turn out the same.

I’m going to link you to two of my favorite patterns and then in the next day or so I’m hoping to do a post with how I made each my own.

The main thing I changed up was assembly as a wonderful woman who runs a quilt shop in a neighboring town showed me how she sewed up masks quicker. I loved her technique on elastic placement that cut back the time it took for me to make each mask since previously I would pin each side of the elastic and her technique stopped that step.

Basically, for those who may not need the visual you place the elastic diagonally in the corner while sewing them right sides together. This stitches over the elastic twice securing it and is easy to hold and move around without pinning it. Most patterns either have the elastic tucked in half an inch or so down from the top seams or placed after turning right sides out. When I get the post done I’ll add a link here to show you what I mean too.

My biggest recommendation if you’re just starting to make masks, do a test run first before you make a bunch. Make sure the pattern you chose fits you right! Kids are harder to size too, so definitely only make one to try first!

And with that, here’s to another day of stitching and staying home. I hope you stay safe and find the good in each day!!!

Ramblings

Potty training bonus to quarantine life

ann marie

So I can’t tell you what day of this virus epidemic we are at right now you, but in the world of my little house we are on day “my 3 year old is POTTY TRAINED!” Not a big deal to some but to us it is she’s been super stubborn about it all and shown no interest. I thought as kid #3 she’d be easier because she has sisters to follow. Nope, she didn’t care.

So once the lockdowns started I figured I’m not going anywhere anyways and I started focusing on her training way more! She’s still struggled throughout the last few months. Especially with her #2’s but even those she’s finally doing in the potty! It’s been a roller coaster of a potty training ride for her but she’s in panties all day now with no accidents. This is great for us all and soon I’ll have her wearing them to bed, but she’s not always dry through the night so it’s not time for that yet.

What finally made it all click for her was the literal sitting on her potty for almost 2 hours to get her to go and feel the sensation. Then we’d just take her every few hours until now she will tell us and actually go on her own. She only asks for help to wipe still which I’m totally fine with. We offered a treat for successful trips to the potty until she got in the habit. Then we tapered the treats off to when she did a #2 and that’s where we are she only gets treats for that as she’s only been doing it in the potty for the last couple weeks at most.

Kids sometimes need an incentive. I tried stickers or tv time and even lollipops. Finally, chocolate m&ms is what got her excited. It helped her see a positive to going in the potty. She only got a couple each time so it was just a small little happy treat! If a method doesn’t work for your child try something new. This one seriously is so stubborn the first time just took sitting there so long she didn’t have a choice. We read books and sang songs until something happened. Then it clicked!

Even this part of parenting, while not fun and can be super frustrating, make the best of it and enjoy the time with your kids the best you can!

Until my next post, see the good in the world around you!