Ramblings

Quick reflection…..

ann marie

Wow, I haven’t made a post since April last year. A time when I had two dates and a different perspective on life then maybe I do now. To say I need to blog about so many things that have happened in between my posts is an understatement, but life’s been busy.

So I decided during the few minutes I have waiting on school pick up to start to check when my last post was and what it was about. I can’t believe it’s been just about 9 months since the last post. There’s been so many ups and downs and things I could have blogged to share. Hopefully, one day I make the time to sit and blog more.

For now I just have to say that one of those spring break dates has turned into a relationship that’s been growing since then. Thinking back one of them really wasn’t a date so much as two old friends catching up and going for a hike. But that friend is an important part to my life and has helped me in ways he likely doesn’t even know these last few years. The true date that I’d been on that week, or whirlwind of a few dates just before my spring break trip actually has proved to be a blessing from God.

Showing me how a man should be treating me and how a relationship with communication and adventure and love can actually be. It’s not all been perfect we’ve had some moments, but the good and wonderful out weighs the rest.

While I started writing this in school pick up line I’m ending it at the end of my day. Because kids and after school class and the dinner/bedtime routine all came into play once that pick up line started moving. Tonight I was reflecting on the day and the afternoon and just thinking wow! This relationship that almost didn’t even start (I’ll have to tell the story one day) has become a new life and a new chapter in my story. I’m excited to see how the story continues and hope to start writing more about my experiences both past and future. For now I just want to say that we should definitely say yes more often and remember life happens in God’s time and He opens doors and opportunities more often when we aren’t even looking!!!!!

Ramblings

Life and men both can be a bit crazy…..

ann marie

Life throws you curve balls and obstacles all the time. You are put into situations or people are placed into your life and you just don’t always know why. I feel like I likely have written about this before, but the topic is hitting close to home again.

I’ve had a crazy……well last few months is what I’ve been mulling over so I’ll go with that. We are 4 months into 2022 and it’s just been full of ups and downs. And for the sake of this post I’ll focus on my last week!

One week, seven days…..been crazy! I’ve been on a few dates with two different men who are both amazing! Ones a new man and ones someone I’ve known for years. But the glaring difference is how they’re acting after the fact. One has been texting and communicating while the other lets just say is not.

Throw in a spring break filled with family visits and fun for the kids and you have one week that’s just been wild ride. Life is fun and ever challenging and men well that’s a story for another day lol. But I wanted to write this to simply say whatever it be whether it’s men, kids, family stay strong and hold your own! We all cross paths for a reason and while we never may know the exact reasons it’s all for a purpose!

Live the life you want!!!!

Ramblings

Live your moments…..

ann marie

If the last year has taught me anything it’s to hold onto your loved ones and to live the moments….don’t wait, don’t put off the fun, don’t make the excuses. Just go and do!

While I realize not everything is so easy to just go and do, but make the best efforts you can. We don’t know when the next chance to have random ice cream dates with our kids will be. Or the next time we can run for the beach and see the sunset. My best memories I’ve made with my kids this last year have been spontaneous! We’ve gone to the park at the last minute, gone for special treats, or made random beach trips just to hear the waves crashing.

While I’ve regretted decisions I made this last year, none involved just doing things with those I love! And not just my kids, but dropping everything to help drive a friend in need. Deciding to throw on clothes for an impromptu hike by myself to clear my head. I’ve not regretted those choices. I’ve not regretted saying yes to things even though I’m scared to death how it’ll turn out.

I do regret not answering when someone’s called me and not pushing harder to do the things I wanted to do with certain people. Because now that time has passed, the window of opportunity closed and it makes me sad for the missed chances.

So while the world is constantly revolving and changing be sure to focus on what’s good for you and don’t take for granted the time you have with people as you truly don’t know what’s around the next corner. I know this is all advice that’s given probably often, but I needed to write this out and write my feelings……keep pushing forward!

Ramblings

I will stumble but I will get back UP!

ann marie

The waves of life are hurting me lately and they are trying so hard to push me down and wash over me and make me fall face first into the sand!

But I’ve become so deeply rooted these last few years in prayer and in the scripture of God that I know, I KNOW, that this to shall pass. This wave may seem huge and I may feel like it would be much easier to let it just wash over me, but I also know that I have 3 kids who need me to stay strong. I have so many people in my life young and old who need me to keep my feet solidly planted and to not let the wave knock me over.

It’s hard sometimes to remember and it’s hard for me to even write this out right now, but the words need to be written for me and for anyone struggling. We all struggle, we all can stumble, but we must NOT let the waves push us down! Find your footing and keep pushing back!

The saying “God doesn’t give us more then we can handle” has been rattling through my brain and “people come into and out of our life for a reason” is another one! We all have tough times and people who we sometimes can’t understand their purpose or the timing or the situation, but God understands, He has a plan and we have to trust in Him!

So this is me throwing these words into the universe and saying I Trust the process, I may stumble, but I WILL STAY STANDING!

Ramblings

Being strong……

ann marie

I’ve clearly had this topic on my mind as first is a post I started a week or so ago then just below it is the post I wrote this evening……..both the start and the full piece were to good not to share and I chose to keep them together as one post so the next paragraph was start one on the topic and the the bold title starts take 2 of me typing out my thoughts…….

So life has thrown me all kinds of curveballs and obstacles, but I always have kept smiling and pushing forward. I’ve been told lately by several amazing people that I’m always a happy person, have a positive attitude and help motivate others. Despite everything I’ve been through I do I just keep a smile on my face and only a select few know my internal struggles.

One of The hardest things….

One of the hardest things as an adult, well even as a kid is being “the strong one and the happy one!”

I’ve always been labeled the strong one and the one who’s always happy no matter what life throws at me. While I know people mean this in a good way and a sign that I’ve got some good characteristics, it’s sometimes hard to hear too. It’s hard to hear when I’m fighting my internal demons, when I’m struggling to push through a situation no one knows about, when I don’t feel happy but have put on a smile to hide my pain!

The strong ones we need help too! I definitely don’t know how to ask for it and I usually will push that help aside, but deep down I also know I need it too!!!!! I need someone to be the strong one for me, to help me push forward, to help me see that I can stand up against the waves trying to knock me down. 

I’ve been faced with some situations I never imagined and battles I could have never guessed I’d fight. While I do push through and persevere and usually with a smile on my face, I know I’m not always as strong as people think I am. I fight my battles silently and alone, or mostly alone except a few very dear people who know my struggles. Though even those who know my struggles tend to not see me when I break down either. 

I know others have situations that are so much worse then the ones I’ve gone through too. They may even cover their pain with smiles bigger and brighter then mine. But we all have our ways of coping and to all those fighting battles be it with a smile on your face or tears rolling down your face remember there’s always someone in your corner whether you see them or not! 

Ramblings

Self care….

ann marie

Sometimes self care is a never ending walk on the beach……well it’ll end eventually, but try to remember unless on a small island however far you walk one way you must walk back to get to your car!

Today I chose to walk…..walk and think and sit on a tree. Have I solved any of what’s floating in my head? No, but have I gotten some fresh air and sunshine and serious exercise? Yes! 

The beach can be an amazing change of scenery even in December especially in Georgia! It was cool temperatures to start, but now I’m hoodie off and enjoy the sound of the crashing waves! This morning I chose to get off my a$$ and go do something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Just walk the beach, this walk led me down a random path that took me through a beautiful swamp area and over a few bridges. Now that the tides gone out I’m walking the whole beach back to my car. Or I hope I am, because I’m not entirely sure at this moment if the tides out enough the whole way. But I stopped to write and just listen to the peacefulness of the waves. 

I’d hoped to clear my head a little and maybe I have or will, but I’ve definitely thought on some things. I feel good having gotten out and doing this. It’s out of my comfort zone to just go somewhere alone now. I have 3 kids I rarely am alone and honestly; I enjoy having company and sharing adventures with people. Today though I’m solo and I’m okay! 

I’m okay!!!!! 

Divorce, Ramblings
ann marie

You know what I should be doing now, I should be icing my daughters cake. Well, finishing icing it as I did the initial layer last night but she wants a rainbow colored layer cake sooooooo the white icing had to set for me to do the color layer.

What I’m doing instead of getting dressed and making the cake is standing in my towel writing this. Why? Because my brain is in a million different places, I woke up to my third child’s 5th birthday alone! ALONE! Alone, because the kids are with their dad in his house, because it’s his weekend and they chose to spend it with him and I will get them at lunch time so that I can spend half of her birthday with her. This is the 3rd time this has happened! Was it how I thought the birthdays of my children would ever go? No, but it’s how this years birthdays have gone!

Literally over a year ago I asked for a divorce, it took almost 7 months to get to the attorney table to sign for the divorce and about 8 months for it to become finalized. Thankfully, along the way the girls dad and I have been able to be mature adults about things and not argue over the details. I do truly feel blessed for that fact! At first because we were getting along fine we didn’t even follow the child arrangements to the exact plan we signed. Then it got confusing who’s weekend we were on and how to deal with upcoming holidays. So we said okay lets do as the plan states to keep things a bit straighter.

Well, aside from birthdays since we let the older two kids decide how they wanted to handle their birthday weekends the littlest wanted to do the same. This year technically I’m supposed to have the kids for their birthdays, but everyone one of them fell on a weekend that “should have been dad’s”. Now there is an explanation that if holidays fall on weekends the kids stay with whoever is supposed to have them for the holiday. Okay, fine, cool, whatever…………but we let the other two decide so here we were letting the 4 year old decide too. So here I am sad I didn’t get to wake up and tell my baby girl happy birthday first, I didn’t get her morning snuggles. She’s chosen for me to come join them for lunch at her dads then all the girls will come home with me for presents and we will go out to dinner. The older two kids said dinner was girls only time, but not baby bear she wants dad to come too. So today, we set aside the “plan” and we will have lunch and dinner together so she can have her day how she wants to.

I know things will get easier and I will have to get on and talk more about things that happened in between this post and the last one I wrote, but I needed to get this down. I know that I chose right, I did the right thing for myself and my girls! This first year of divorce won’t break me! I will grow and I will fight for my girls and myself! We all know it’s okay and I’m showing them that while things didn’t work with their dad divorce doesn’t have to be ugly and horrible and we don’t need to fight and make everyone’s life miserable because we decided not to stay together. The divorce was finalized in June, so we are only 5 months into finding our “new normal” and these upcoming holidays will be our first run at finding things that work for us. We will make new traditions, we can hold on to old ones, we will learn and we will grow and we will remember at the end of the day we have each others backs! The kids still have two very loving parents and so far both parents have been putting the kids and their feelings at the top of the list! This is and always has been my top priority, putting my kids at the top of the list! It always will be and that’s why our 2021 is ending differently then the years in the past, but it’s okay!

If your struggling in your marriage and are “staying for the kids” know that they will pick up on this and sense things aren’t right! I will do a post about this in the future, but I want to end this saying don’t stick around to try and keep the family together if it’s creating a bad environment for yourself or the kids. I laugh at the saying “if momma ain’t happy ain’t no body happy,” but it’s so true and the kids can sense this even little ones. So do what’s right for all of you! It will get better and you can do it!

Ramblings
ann marie

There comes a time when you just need to feel comfortable with your skin you dollop on some makeup, get your hair did and drive on with the day! When you feel good about yourself others see a whole different side of you. Don’t forget to prioritize yourself and push forward every day and life will be good in the end

Ramblings, Tips and Tricks

My Lent Project

ann marie

“Lent is a solemn religious observance in the Christian liturgical calendar that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends approximately six weeks later, before Easter Sunday.” Wikipedia

The big thing with Lent is that most people give up something, but as I prepared for 2020 Lent I couldn’t think of something to give up. I wasn’t eating a ton of sweets and I hadn’t been super active on my social media and the act of giving up something to me always meant it should be a sacrifice of some kind. As I was focalizing this to some ladies at a craft day (before covid hit) several had said another option was to volunteer or give back in some way. This had my wheels turning!!!!

What I decided on was what become an adventure in baby hat crocheting! Also a lesson that while we think of Lent as 40 days in reality it’s 46 days. Sunday’s aren’t counted because they represent a mini-Easter themselves. For the sake of my project though I committed to the full 46 days.

So for 46 days I made a baby hat every night to donate to our local hospital and my church! During this time I tried out several different patterns and I’ll share a few links to my favorite patterns. Some patterns I made one and that was it, others worked up so well I changed yarn colors and made several! Or the pattern featured some alternate options and so I was able to make several hats with just a simple variation to the original pattern which was nice too.

One thing I learned while on the journey is that you definitely can chose any yarn you want, but know that this could greatly affect the size of the baby hat!!! So the pattern could say toddler, but if you use a thinner size 4 yarn it’ll be more of a newborn size. Since I was doing this to donate it was fine that I have all different sizes, but if you want these for a specific size I would pay attention to the recommended yarn and hook sizes. Which is lesson number 2, hook size matters too, and if you crochet tighter definitely go ahead and go up a hook size from the pattern directions too.

Along my hat making journey a sweet friend asked me to share the daily hat pictures with her. This helped hold me accountable and gave her something to look forward to nightly. Thankfully, she’s a night owl because a few busy nights I wouldn’t get the hat done until late. My cousin also jumped on the nightly text update journey, which was nice and brought us closer together too. She even put in color and style requests for hats which was fun giving me inspiration for more hat ideas. This made my project not only a way I could give back to a local hospital, but a way to bond with two very special people in my life as well.

Some of the hat patterns I used were this cute Striped beanie, and the Little Textures hat had cute bobbles along the last few rows. I tried the Baby bear hat once and for me it didn’t work up quickly, but it was cute. This Flapper girl hat was adorable with or without the added ribbon it has a cute ruffled edge along the bottom! My favorite pattern ended up being this Vintage Vibes baby beanie pattern, it actually had several variations, worked up quickly and you could add color changes to also make a variation!!! I had a few patterns printed I’d gotten from other sources I used as well, so I had lots to chose from during this time. A few were just simple hdc hats that worked up quick and I used variegated yarn to add contrast easily.

During this journey there were definitely some days I didn’t “feel like” getting my hat for the day done, but that’s also the purpose of Lent to remember the struggles and sacrifices of Jesus. So I would sit down and get it done anyways! This year I haven’t decided on a project yet as I do want to give back somehow as part of Lent, but I also plan to give up candy this year as this lock down has had me snacking on sweets way more. I’m considering possibly doing a weekly project or weekly cause to help throughout Lent this year, or possibly a bigger project that is for a good cause!

Whatever you chose for Lent make it count! Don’t give into the temptation of giving up on your sacrifice during the Lenten Season it’ll make you stronger knowing you can stick to it.

Ramblings

Do it for yourself!!!

ann marie

So here’s the thing, I fell off the work out train I’d been on when I got hurt a little over a year ago. It was hard to just stop but I literally had no choice I took a wrong step and tore my ankle up to where I needed surgery.

Fast forward to now, I’m fully recovered done with surgery and physical therapy and ready to fully commit to working out for my health again. I say for my health because while weight loss would be great ultimately I just want to be healthy I have 3 beautiful girls to keep up with!!!

I do, however, have a ganglion cyst on my other foot that has to be removed and found out about that at the beginning of December. When a new 90 day work out challenge started with my favorite work out momma Bikini Body Mommy in January I knew I needed to jump on despite the surgery coming up. So I signed up!!!! It started January 11th and my surgery is supposed to be February 1st. So almost an entire month and the surgery is supposed to be minimal so I’m hoping that I don’t have to stay off feet for long.

I say all this backstory because when I told the grumpy man in my house that I was signing up for the challenge his first statement was “why, you have surgery there’s no point”. Well, there is a point I AM THE POINT! Even if I have to take a week or so off that’s a month that I didn’t sit around doing nothing for myself. It’s a month of making better choices both by working out and by eating healthier because I do eat better when I’m working out too. So the point is that I NEEDED this, I needed to feel better about myself and get back on track. I don’t care if he didn’t want to just offer words of support because my kids have been offering me immense support!!! The kids see me moving and they get moving! They also see me struggling and cheer me on when I feel like I can’t get one more rep in they cheer me on and push me and it’s the best feeling ever.

The kids even know I’m doing this for me, so I feel better and healthier and can chase them even more! I’ve always hated the saying “you won’t regret a workout” because in the process I sometimes despise it, but the end results are worth it for sure! So do it for you! Do it for the kids to see you putting yourself first! Make even the tiniest wins a huge win…..did you get in one more push up celebrate it! One more mile, one more sit up, whatever it is celebrate that your making progress and do it for yourself! We need to remember to still make ourselves a priority however we need to in life and if it’s getting back into a work out routine despite upcoming obstacles doing something today is better then continuing to let obstacles stand in our way! Let’s go and make our paths and find the good in our day!!!